The Inner Village ~ Meeting the Parts of Yourself That Have Been Protecting You

Within each of us lives an inner village ~ parts created by love, survival, ancestry, and experience. When we learn to listen to these voices with true listening and compassion, we begin returning to the wholeness that was always there.

Let’s take a breath!

Have you ever noticed that you can hold completely opposite feelings, thoughts, and beliefs all at the same time?

One part of you wants to slow down and rest, while another immediately reminds you of everything you should be accomplishing. One part longs for deeper connection, while another keeps distance, wondering if it is actually safe to be seen. And then another part wants to leap into something new, while another is already creating a detailed list of everything that could possibly go wrong.

If you have ever wondered why you can understand yourself so deeply and still find yourself returning to familiar ways of being, welcome to the very human experience of having an inner world.

It can get a little overwhelming, and crowded!

For years psychology often encouraged us to think about ourselves as having one central identity. We asked questions like: Who am I? Why do I do this? How do I change this part of myself?

But the truth of being human is much more complex and magical.

We are layered. We are created by our experiences, relationships, families, cultures, and environments. Within us are different parts carrying different emotions, memories, desires, and protective strategies.

The Inner Village

This is the foundation of Internal Family Systems, often called IFS.

IFS was developed by psychologist Richard Schwartz as a way of understanding the human psyche through the lens of multiplicity. The premise is simple: we all have parts.

The perfectionist. The caretaker. The inner critic. The achiever. The one who avoids conflict. The one who longs to be loved. The one who feels afraid. The one who still carries an old wound.

These parts are not flaws in our personality. They are intelligent responses shaped through our experiences.

The part that learned to overachieve may have discovered that success brought safety, approval, or belonging. The part that learned to please others may have discovered that being needed created connection. The part that stays guarded may have learned that vulnerability came with pain.

When we begin to understand our parts, we can move away from seeing ourselves as a collection of problems to solve and become curious about the wisdom beneath our adaptations.

So often, we approach the parts of ourselves we struggle with through frustration and avoidance.

Why am I still doing this?

Why can’t I just let this go?

Why do I keep repeating this?

But what happens when we ask instead:

What are you trying to protect?

What did you learn was necessary?

What do you need from me now?

A part that has spent years exhausting itself trying to keep everything together may finally have the experience of being acknowledged. A part experiencing shame may finally be met with compassion. A part holding grief may finally have space to feel and release and as a result soften and exhale.

Beyond the Individual

Where I see IFS become even richer is when we expand beyond a purely psychological lens.

Our parts do not exist in isolation. They are shaped by relationship, culture, family, and history.

Many of us carry ways of adapting that make complete sense when we understand the larger story.

She Who Cannot Rest

The woman who cannot rest may come from generations where survival required constant effort. She may have learned that there was always something more to do, prepare for, or protect against. Her body may keep moving long after the original conditions are gone. She may over exercise, struggle with insomnia, or reach for alcohol, scrolling, or work to quiet herself. Her superpower is endurance. She knows how to keep going when others might collapse. Her invitation may be discovering that rest can also be safe.

She Who Struggles to Receive

The woman who struggles to receive may come from a lineage where caregiving was the primary expression of love. She may have learned that being useful, generous, needed, or selfless was how love was earned. She notices what everyone else needs and offers before anyone has to ask. Receiving can feel strangely vulnerable. Her superpower is devotion. She knows how to nurture, tend, create warmth, and make others feel held. Her invitation may be discovering that she can be loved without performing love.

She Who Feels Everything

The woman who constantly tracks everyone’s emotions may have learned early to read the room because the emotional climate of her family could change quickly. Perhaps anger was explosive or affection was unpredictable. She became incredibly perceptive, able to sense a shift in energy before anyone says a word. But living so attentively toward everyone else can make it difficult to know what is happening inside herself. She may filter her desires through other people’s reactions before asking what she wants. Her superpower is perception. Her invitation may be learning that she does not have to monitor the entire room in order to belong in it.

She Who Settles

The woman who feels she has to earn love may come from a family or lineage where love was conditional, inconsistent, or intertwined with sacrifice. She may have learned early that being pleasing, accomplished, beautiful, useful, or easy to love could help secure connection. She may find herself staying too long in relationships that do not fully meet her, abandoning her own needs to preserve the bond. And often, there is another part of her that knows deeply there is more. A part that wants to leave, wants to be chosen fully, and longs for a relationship that feels alive and reciprocal. Yet another part may feel frightened, trapped, or uncertain that somethig better is actually possible. She may wonder, “Is this as good as it gets?” or confuse familiarity with safety. Her superpower is devotion. She knows how to love deeply, commit, forgive, and see the humanity in others. Her invitation may be discovering that love does not require her to disappear from herself.

Looking through an ancestral lens...

Even though it was done to us,

it does not have to be

carried forward

through us.

We can become the ones who address

what has been passed down

and choose what to carry forward.

The Parts as Relationships

From an animist perspective, I love the idea that our inner parts are not simply just living inside our minds.

They are ALL inter woven relationships.

They are aspects of ourselves with their own histories, connected to place (land and elements), with their own intelligence and power, and their own way of trying to participate in our lives.

The Inner Felt Relationship

*In this context - somatic means paying attention to things like sensations, tension, breath, emotions, impulses, and the ways your body responds rather than only thinking or talking about what you're experiencing.

Our parts do not only exist as thoughts. They live in our nervous system. They show up through sensations, impulses, tension, emotions, and patterns of response.

A protector may live in the tightness in your chest. A people pleasing part may appear as the difficulty saying no. A fearful part may show up as the urge to control or micro-manage.

In my work with clients, I often see what happens when someone begins to listen to a part of themselves they have spent years trying to override.

Learning to engage oneself with true relating and curiosity...

There is something deeply relieving about no longer having to fight with yourself.

Expanded States of Awareness

In my work with clients in psychedelic assisted work and ceremony, I have witnessed how these experiences can open new ways of seeing ourselves. Parts that once felt frightening, confusing, or difficult to understand can begin to reveal their deeper wisdom.

There can be a softening of the places that protect, allowing us to glimpse what lives underneath ~ creativity, sensuality, intuition, grief, joy, desire, and connection.

The invitation is to bring what is revealed into relationship with everyday life, so that what was felt or remembered can become something we actually live.

Are you someone

with an entire inner village

waiting to be listened to?

This is the foundation of the

Somatic Ritual Sessions:

Creating a compassionate relationship with the parts of yourself that have shaped your life, while using ritual to honor the moments when something is changing, being released, or beginning anew.

Ritual might support you through leaving a relationship, moving through grief, or stepping into a new chapter of your life. These moments can become opportunities to consciously mark what is ending, honor what has been, and make space for what is ready to emerge.

Apply here

For those wanting a longer communal journey,

The Devotional Body... 

Weaves somatic practice, plant medicine - microdosing, ritual & embodiment into a group container for women returning to a deeper relationship with themselves.

Join the waitlist here

It is my deepest honor and privilege

to support greater harmony in your 'inner village'.